CHOOSING THE WEDDING GOWN

copyright ©2003 Glenna Tooman all rights reserved
Memory Makers Event Planning LLC www.memorable-events.com

The Bride's Gown and Accessories

The wedding gown is usually one of the first purchases made. However, before choosing a gown, you should determine what kind of a wedding you are having: large or small, formal or informal, indoor or out. You should also determine a budget. These things will affect the type of dress that you select. The dress should complement, not conflict with, the other decisions that have been made. In other words, if the wedding will be small and intimate with only a few guests, an elaborate gown with flowing train will be out of place. Likewise, a sleeveless or off-the-shoulder gown would be inappropriate in December unless the wedding will take place in a warm climate. If an outdoor wedding is planned, a gown without a train will be a better choice, unless you have your heart set on a particular dress and are willing to accept the fact that the train will get dirty and may become permanently stained. If you will be kneeling during your wedding ceremony, you may want to avoid a sheath gown, since the skirt may be too tight to allow you to bend your knees. And if you have a budget of $4,000, purchasing an $800 gown will consume a fifth of your funds.

If you would a gown with a train, you will find several styles available. Trains come in three lengths: a "sweep" train is very short, falling only about 6" behind the gown; a "chapel" train is from 7" to 22" long; and a "cathedral" train is over 22". Trains also attach to the gown in several ways. The most common is the "attached" train, which is actually an extension of the back of the skirt. A "watteau" train falls from the back yoke of the dress and is a separate piece of fabric. A "caplet" train falls from the shoulders and is also a separate piece of fabric. A "detachable" train is most often used with a sheath-style dress. The train is buttoned or hooked to the back of the dress and can be removed after the ceremony. Many trains can either be "bustled" or removed for the reception. A bustled train is one that is gathered up and buttoned or tied at the back, below the waist, thus creating a floor-length skirt all around.

When shopping for the gown, take only one or two people with you and be sure to dress appropriately. You should either wear or take along nylons, a strapless bra, and appropriate shoes. Don't show up at the bridal salon in sneakers, shorts, and a cap and expect any dress to look like it will on your wedding day. Be careful about wearing make-up, particularly lipstick or lip gloss, when trying on dresses, since they stain easily.

Most bridal shops carry each style of gown in only one size. Therefore, if you find a dress that you like, but it doesn't fit, it will need to be ordered, and that can take as long as 4 months. Also, be sure that the shop does alterations. The alterations should be done about two weeks before the wedding. Some shops charge for alterations, so be sure to ask. When attending an appointment for alterations, be sure to wear the shoes and the undergarments that you will wear with the gown so that it can be altered correctly.

Wedding gowns are sized smaller than other clothing. Therefore, if you ordinarily wear a size 8, don't be alarmed to discover that you may wear a size 10 or even a 12 in a wedding gown. Since most people are not one perfect size and wedding gowns are form-fitting, it will be necessary to choose a gown in a size that fits your largest body measurement. In other words, if you are a size 8 in the hips and bust but a size 10 through the waist, purchase the larger size and have it altered in the bust and hips. The alterations will be minimal and it is easier to make a dress smaller than to make it larger. Purchase a gown that fits your present size even if you plan to diet. Dresses can be cut down much easier than they can be enlarged. Be certain to find out if the shop will hold the dress until a day or two before the wedding and if they will press it just before it is picked up. If they do not hold the dress and/or press it, you will need to find room to store it until the big day and someone may have to spend several hours pressing it.

If the wedding will be held in a church, be aware that some conservative churches do not allow women to wear dresses, even wedding gowns, which are off-the-shoulder, sleeveless, or low-cut. This also applies to your bridesmaids dresses. Be sure to find out if your church has any restrictions before purchasing your gown or your attendants' dresses. Also ask about length, as there may be a restriction on skirts that are above the knee. You should not choose such short dresses for your attendants; however, your guest book attendant and other helpers who wear their own clothing, may need to be informed of any restrictions.

You may find it helpful to take a camera along when trying on gowns. You can take pictures of your favorite gowns at each shop, then compare the pictures to help remember the details of each dress and decide which one is right for you. Some shops will not allow their gowns to be photographed, so ask before taking pictures. You may have to assure them that you will not use the photo to have a seamstress make a similar gown.

Bridal Shop Alternatives: If your budget is tight, you might choose to rent rather than buy your gown, or to purchase a used gown. Some shops rent gowns for both the bride and her attendants. If you can find the right dress, this may be a good way to go. You will, however, need to reserve the dress well in advance, particularly if it is a popular style.

Some resale shops also sell gowns. A used gown may be a better choice than a rented one, especially if the rented dress has been worn numerous times and the used one worn only once. Former brides who broke their engagement often dispose of their dresses through resale shops and classified ads. You can find a new, never-worn dress for a fraction of the original price.

You may also find your gown or the attendants' dresses in a catalog. The J.C. Penney catalog usually carries at least one wedding gown. Catalogs such as Chadwicks carry dresses suitable for bridesmaids. Some department stores also carry one or two wedding gowns each summer.

Gowns are available on the Internet from a number of sites. Be careful about purchasing in this manner, since you have no guarantees of the quality of the dress and you may have difficulty returning it if it is poorly made or doesn't fit. You will also have to find a local seamstress to make any needed alterations and someone will have to press the gown.

E-bay, the Internet auction site, is another source for locating reasonably priced gowns, both for the bride and bridesmaids. Some gowns are sold by the owner and will have been worn. Others are sold by bridal shops who are disposing of their discontinued merchandise. Before making a purchase, find out the brand name of the gown, then do some checking, either on-line or by visiting local shops that carry that brand, to determine the quality of a typical gown. Also ask about stains, tears, or any other problems with the dress, since you are buying the dress "as-is."

If your mother, grandmother, or a friend has a gown that you particularly like, you might ask to borrow it. If you enjoy antiques or old clothing, vintage gowns dating back as far as the Victorian era can be purchased in retro clothing shops and on the Internet. Also, if your family has close ties to its national origins, a gown from that culture can be very striking and unusual. Some brides choose to wear a traditional western-style gown for the ceremony, then change to a national dress for the reception. Likewise, some men choose to wear kilts or other ethnic dress for either the ceremony, the reception, or both.

When the Bride is Marrying for the Second Time: If the bride is being married for the second time, she should choose a gown that does not have a long train and she should not wear a veil near her face. Rather, a tea-length or floor-length dress is more appropriate. It is now acceptable for a second time bride to wear a white gown. A hat, a wreath of flowers, a tiara, or another item can be worn in the hair, or the bride may choose not to wear any head covering. If a veil is worn, it should be short and be attached at the back of the head. A blusher that covers the face is worn only by first-time brides.

First-time Brides Who Have Children: The same etiquette applies to a first-time bride who has a child or children that applies to a bride who is marrying for the second time. She should choose a dress without a train, or with a very short one, and she should not wear a veil near her face.

Choosing the veil: When choosing a veil, consider both the style of your gown and the height of the groom. If the bride and groom are near the same height, a veil with a headpiece that fits snugly on the head, or fits on the back of the head, will look better than one that is taller. Veils can be made in many different lengths. The most popular are shoulder-length, elbow-length, and floor-length. A sheer, floor-length veil looks lovely with a gown that has a full skirt and a train, but it does not work as well with a fitted gown. Whether you choose to wear a blusher over the face is a matter of choice and will depend on the type of head piece chosen, since some head pieces are not made for a blusher. If you like to sew, veils are easy and inexpensive to make.

In summer, or for an outdoor or casual wedding, the bride may choose to wear a wreath of flowers or flowers in her hair instead of a veil. A tiara may also be worn in place of a veil or in addition to a short veil.

The bride's accessories: Several accessories will be needed to complete your ensemble. The first is a long-line bra, possibly strapless. Some brides choose not to purchase or wear a bra with their gown since the more formal gowns contain stiffening in the bodice. However, the gown will itch, and you will be standing in a receiving line or mingling with guests. You don't want to have to hold onto the front of your dress every time you get near someone. Health laws require that bras must be purchased; they cannot be rented. You can buy them at bridal shops or order them from catalogs, such as J. C. Penneys, usually at a lower cost. Special styles of bras, such as half bras, can also be found at lingerie specialty shops such as Victoria's Secret.

If the gown is a little large, or straps tend to show, you can purchase liquid adhesive, also called "body glue" from a medical supply store or from some bridal shops. The adhesive rolls on, like deodorant, and does not harm fabric. It can also be used to hold a half bra in place if your gown has a very low back.

A slip that matches the style of your gown will also be needed. A slip helps the skirt of your gown to lay properly and it will protect you from stiff seams that can irritate your skin. Crinoline slips may be rented from bridal shops. If your gown is made of light-weight material, be certain to wear a slip that is the same length as the gown. It can be embarrassing if guests can tell that you are wearing a short slip under a long dress. If a sheath-style gown is worn, a slip may not be necessary. Be certain, however, that panty lines don't show.

Remember that you will be on your feet for several hours at the ceremony and the reception, so comfortable shoes are a necessity. Many brides choose to wear ballet slippers. Others wear heels for the ceremony, then change to more comfortable shoes for the reception. If you are wearing new shoes, scuff the soles to roughen them a bit. This will prevent slips or falls during the ceremony. White shoes are most often sold by department and shoe stores in the spring. (They usually cost less when purchased at a department or shoe store rather than at a bridal shop.) If you are getting married at another time of the year, you may need to purchase your shoes through a bridal shop that carries white shoes year round. Also check Payless Shoes for some styles available year round.

Nylons should be either neutral in color or white. White patterned nylons look particularly nice with a sheath-style gown. Remember, you may be wearing a garter that will be removed during the reception, so choose nylons that you don't mind showing off. For easy removal, place the garter either just above or just below the knee. Many brides find that thigh-high nylons are very uncomfortable and tend to droop. Therefore, panty hose are usually a better choice. Even if you don't like nylons, wear them with your gown to give a finished look.

Jewelry should be understated and should complement the gown and your head piece. Simple earrings and a pearl necklace or a pendant will probably be all that is needed. Remove your watch and any rings and jewelry that you usually wear. If your wedding rings haven't yet been soldered together, move your engagement ring to your right hand until after the ceremony, when it can then be placed next to the wedding ring. (The wedding band is always worn closest to the heart.)

Hair Styles: The bride will want to begin working with a hair stylist at least a month before the ceremony. If the bride or her attendants plan to get a perm, it should be done about a month before the wedding so that the hair has time to relax and the person feels comfortable with the style.